you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
