I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
