It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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