I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
