I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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