Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I got inside last night via doggy door
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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