they need to just BURY HIM!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize