Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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