im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
