i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
