I want to make a zoo with you.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
