You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
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Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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