Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
