Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
