I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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