What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How does one acquire holy water?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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