So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
