I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
