It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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