He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
