you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
