Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
