it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
