My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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