my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome