1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough