im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf