i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".