I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes