So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have fence marks all over my body
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it