wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
