Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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