I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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