Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Boobs are out for the taking
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
