I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
