I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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