I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
