we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
