I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I could fuck to npr.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
