The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
