hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
