I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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