Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
