so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
