im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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