maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
