She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
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i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
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He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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