I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
thus making me awesome and them whores
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
