He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
