Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
