are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
