Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dear god my vagina.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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