the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
