you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
