Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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