This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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