I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
