:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my shit smells like andre
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Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
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They took my balls.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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