He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
