My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
