I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
