Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
