If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think I just sharted jello shots
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
