The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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