Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
birth control should be required to get into college
Reggie can tackle my bush.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
