We named our party play list daddy issues
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
