Betty ford says i'm here all night
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
